NAKED AND BLIND – The journey of the young male sexual dilemma 2
Poem sexuality male confusion
You took a man to the precipice of hell
Sweetened with desire
Candy to a hungry heart
The man’s secret
A forbidden fire
Do not tell
Full of questions to ask
The desire to know
Would it last
With a rush of pleasure
In the air
He thought your wisdom
Should surely care
Chained in pleasure
Wept for eyes to see
Stole his leisure
He could not let it be
Depression in stolen lies
Never good enough
Spoke the family tree
But no illusion
Rescued by the blood of divine intrusion
Reached into the dark
Placed your hand
Within his heart
Now free to tell
The lover opened his eyes
To the portals of separation
Rescues from hell
Like the pencil illustration,
about a boy who as a man reflected on a childhood experience he had with a fellow pupil. Two years earlier to the experience his brother introduced a pornography magazine in a household where parents read sexually explicit love story novels.
The novels were hidden in bedroom cupboards which indicated an adult world of shame. This was the only memory of sex education guidance.
At the age of 12, a fellow pupil introduced him to sexual fantasies played out in masturbation and sexual abuse. The cocktail of emotions, pleasure, fear, guilt, and shame that flooded his heart, lived with him as a secret for many years. Alongside his experience, the standard male-dominated schoolyard and workplace jokes about sex followed him into his middle age further confusing his identity as a male. His masculinity had been tampered with and his character was weakened behind the barrier of esteem building lies.
Unfortunately, all the joking and laughter did not quiet the buried shame he felt from being drawn into what he experienced was a desired but temporary pleasure.
His story goes like this
Because of the fear, shame, and isolation the experience caused this young man went on a journey. For many years he searched through, books, councilors, misguided opinions from friends, pornography, philosophers, religions and the drug culture. They all promised a knowledge of freedom but to no avail. That was until he met a Jewish man called Jesus.
Jesus taught him about the terror of shame and fear and offered him a new start to life. The young man who found it hard to trust discovered someone was capable of setting him free from the nightmares and associated bitterness of betrayal he felt.
Of all options presented, determined he persevered and came to trust a trustworthy Jewish man and learning the truth he was set free to live a new life. The shame had gone, the guilt had gone, the fear had gone and the secret was out, he could live the life of a man with peace of mind.
He then saw why the shamed secret life of a troubled man or woman cannot fulfill their dream of true love, sexuality, trust, and tenderness within a relationship when they are ashamed of their own body and its functions, no matter what the reason or philosophy that loads shame on his broken sexuality.
Hope for all
I find his story to be healthy, honest and liberating and because of it, I make this observation. Fortunately, he found the truth about sexuality. The past failures can be righted to live the good life hoped for before e died. There is hope for anyone trapped in the cycle of guilt, shame, and fear about the secrets of a broken heart.
The boy has since died a natural death but a legacy has been left in the unashamed story of this poem, all be it within a brevity of this text by making it known. I have his permission.
STATUS and MATERIALS
25 LIMITED EDITIONS “ACRYLIC ENHANCED” CANVAS REPRODUCTIONS
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Multiple images photographed with a Canon 5D and 7D, color enhanced digital and lead pencil illustration created on an iMac in Photoshop CC. Printed on fine weave, primed canvas for long life integrity. Stretch mounted proud and protected with UV varnish.
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